Monday, March 31, 2014

Hello Summer !

The long hours and days of feeling like a ticking time bomb finally ground to a halt.  It felt all too sudden like waking up short from a dream that tugs and pulls you to slumber longer.  The mind slowed down and realized how much had happened in the last nine months.  Had it been only nine months since the start of this all-new chapter of an Arki kind of life?  Feels like it was only yesterday when I asked for a letter of recommendation from my physics professor from the institute I graduated from. It feels like only a few hours ago when I passed the application form for Master in Architecture to my new school, and only minutes ago when I started knowing new people that would leave indelible marks on me again.  It feels like ground zero on the way to rehab. While most of my peers are writing plaques and epitaphs of the crowning glory of their lives, I’m redoing everything and starting over again.  I’m praying that mind, body and spirit hold on for a few more beatings, hoping that this whole system I have doesn’t collapse on me before I see the next summer.

Finally it’s here.  It is staring at me straight in the eyes, my first new summer.  I breathe a sigh of relief knowing there aren’t any more extra deadlines and no more late night coffee binges to help me stave off sleepy while piling lines and lines, and words and words on paper and on the white of blank document screens.  Finally I can get to do those few things that I once again have put off in place of more urgent ones.  I can get to ride on my dragon, Temeraire, again.  He’s waiting beyond the next few pages.  I miss him sorely.  I can revisit climbing areas I’ve been to thru photos and some writing.  Rodellar, Fosso d’llermo, Miolo, Yangshou, Getu Valley, El Nido, Camp 4 along Kennon Road, and the list can go on and on now.  I can dream of cherry blossoms again and hot sake, that sweet tasting Japanese rice wine.  Maybe I can visit a beach or hike up a mountain again to see a different kind of sunrise.  Hopefully I can get to undo some knots and step out of my old shoes and just walk on cool green grass barefoot, feeling the earth as it should. 

In a few days I’ll be on top of Mt. Napulawan to sleep close to the cold bare earth.  In a few days I’ll be diving off cliffs to meet the sea and sink a few feet down and gasp for air as I surface.  In a few days I’ll be with new friends and old friends I’ve missed. In a few days I’ll be soaked again in new laughter, new smiles, and new sunsets.  A new summer has started.  The glaring sun continues to pat the back of my neck, render my skin to a darker shade, and squint and add new lines at the far edges of my eyes near my temples.  I want this summer to last me a lifetime.  I want to keep it shiny for as long as I could.  If it means being vulnerable again just to feel alive then so it shall.  I think I’m ready for new cracks on my fabric.  I think I’ve greater control now over my senses.  I will have four months worth of summer break.  It will be the longest one I’ll have.  Next school year will start August.  From now ‘till then I have one hundred twenty days to tag as one of the more memorable summers I’ve had.

It’s time to move away from underneath the rain clouds and see the rainbows.  It’s time to get drunk again with the notion of a life less ordinary and be the person that I am, with no loose ends but with a few tattered edges, with both friends and enemies, with calm and chaos, with a smile and a frown, with memories I want to keep and memories I want to forget, with a care and an I don’t care, with hates and loves.

Summer will not be complete though without the shade.  We need the shade…the cold dark shade when the sun becomes blistering hot.  I have my shade ready…

The echoing silence of a room in pitch black
To be broken only by the sound of my own breath…
The beating of my own heart sounding in my ears…
And the sudden growling of my empty stomach…
The neighbor’s dog, barking at the empty darkness…
The sharp ticking of a broken clock not telling the right time…
I love lying down in the dark...
There is nothing in the dark;
Nothing to see, nothing to be scared about, nothing to fear;
It is cold. It is indifferent.
It is an indifference that nods, “hey, it’s o.k.”, without uttering a word,
Without staring back politely, but still understands.
It is not lonely.  There’s just nothing and nothing is something already.

So here’s to summer of hopeful sunrises, of bright blue skies, and of golden sunsets, of star filled skies and silver moons, of gentle breezes, of gusty afternoons, of cold rivers, of intoxicating nights, of old movies, of new movies…of crimps and jugs, of slopers and dynos, of loves and passions…Hello summer !

1 comment:

  1. Yes! A summer--and a lifetime--of "hopeful sunrises" ! sounds great!