Friday, October 9, 2009


"CUT LOOSE…" core screamed as I heaved air out my labored throat, a guttural cry of anguish and desperation.  “Cut loose…”,  like a whispering ghost echoing heavy in my mind.  Heed the warning else fail…in a fraction of a second the imminent became easier to accept.  Slowly like a warp machine coming out of hyperspace my feet came off.  The air became suffused with a loud thundering crack that almost broke the barriers of time and space.  It was impossible to contain the expansive swell of energy that spewed out my lungs.  A torrential gush of sharp pain pierced the edges of the last remnants of skin that held me hanging in mid-air.  The fragile edge bit deeper in to my consciousness, kept me from falling into the void of despair.  My feet groped for a small hope of relief.  It found its mark only to help me realize a profound empty comfort.

Creases formed hard on my forehead forcing my brows to form one strong crooked line. Sharp arrowhead tips on the edges of my eyes felt like the devil’s horns, intently evil.  My eyes reduced to slits, filtered  the insignificant details wrapped around me.  An invisible glowing orb formed a foot right in front of my eyes as I effortly conjured a focus.  The warm glow radiated, the pain faded away and the standstill shattered like glass to a hammer’s strike.  My face shot forward towards the invisible orb.  It parted, gave way, half resisting, like mercury being pierced by a blunt point.  On the other side, the reflections vanish as a new vision became clear.   My hands pierced through the thin layer of air to reach for the miniscule edge that shouted pain from it’s comfort.  A quick solid transition shuddered through my core. No longer than a sudden thought, the entire length of my arm, from fingers to my chest, to the back of my shoulders, down to my lower back , even down further to my foot solidified into one.  Concrete, no, steel, no, not even steel.  It became one strong, living, breathing connection hardened by a deep longing urge to claw into a renewed  existence.  To fail would mean another seamless struggle, to succeed would mean a temporary victory that would comfort the soul.

My fingers dug deep into the crimp.  A quick sigh of relief filled the empty hollow left by the one swift, guttural, throaty, agonizing plea for reprieve.  As quick as it came, it vanishes.  The crimp suddenly felt like a sharp blade fresh out of a furnace.  “Let it bite…”   It was a soft comforting tone that guided my other hand to match on the precarious  little edge.  I followed willingly, almost a trance, an acceptance that could spell either disaster or success.  Yet, I trusted.  Breath faded fast from my body, depleted it to a shell, hollow and brittle.  My throat became parched, my tongue felt like sandpaper scratching deep for moisture.  All six fingers, three from each hand, met on the edge only millimeters  thick.  Color faded from each knuckle as I felt another swelling brew inside my stomach.  A protest surged inside…but I held on…for dear life…I gnashed my teeth to almost powder them to dust.  Another cycle continues…such is climbing…silence pervades…such is life…

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